Monday, 06 April 2009
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Palm Sunday Paul and Jesus
For whatever reason blogging has taken a back burner for me lately. Not only here but in reading them as well. I just checked my Google blog reader and there are over 1000 posts. Maybe some warmer weather and the sun will get me back into the flow of posting here the things happening and being discussed at Sojourn. BUT, I did want to share some of our Palm Sunday discussion.
We have been working through Paul's letter to the church in Philippi bit by bit. Paul has been sharing with his friends that despite the place he is in (chains/prison) he is OK. That in fact the gospel has progressed even further because of it. There is an optimism and hope reflected in his words. In fact, he is ready for death or life at the end of this. Because for him, to live is Christ and to die is gain because that would be being with Christ.
Now in verse 22 Paul's tone changes. In the original greek, even his grammar and phrasing becomes disjointed and irregular. Paul says he is "torn." That he can't choose. And again, it is like he can't even put the pen to the page to describe what is going on. The weight of potential death or life and not knowing which, of having a sense that God wants him to continue but inside so desiring to be with God, of trying to be hopeful for his friends, is creating in him emotional turmoil. He is hopeful but it is hard! Jesus expressed these same things in a garden the day before his death. Jesus says he is crushed. He is over whemled to the point of death. In one gospel he says, "the soul is willing but the body is weak." We are told that he is such turmoil that he sweats blood. And the fact that he shares his internal struggle with the disciples is amazing. Why? Why does Paul share his emotional struggle with his friends in Philippi? Because they know it is first OK to feel those things AND that we experience the same thing. Don't we? God calls us to something, sets us on a mission or directs us to a choice and yet our emotions and feelings go crazy. Sometimes the cost is great. Sometimes we feel inadequate. Sometimes we just don't want to.
I don't want to forgive this person. I'm too busy to spend time with my kids. I want to just cut the corners a little bit to make it easier on me at work. I want to yell at my kids or wife or husband. I want to go back on what I've said I would do. I don't want to worship with my church. The list is endless. And what Paul and Jesus show us is that it is OK to feel these things. It is normal. It is even good to express those feelings with others. And yet, it is in these moments that we grow, we mature. We tell those feelings and doubts that they don't come from God, they aren't truth and that we will do the right thing. Even if the last time we failed, this time, we will try again.
Jesus did this for us. He followed his Father even to death on a cross. Experienced death. God experiencing death. How could this be? He experienced separation. He experienced turmoil. All of it for us and for his Father in heaven. For the Joy he knew was to come. May we not only accept this truest gift of love but try to live in the same way.
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